ENGLISH 3
 



جاوا اسكریپت

آمار سایت


جاوا اسكریپت

جاوا اسكریپت

جاوا اسكریپت

آمار سایت

This one should be spoken.
Q: How many legs does an ant have?
A: Two, the same as an uncle.
(HINT: ant = aunt)
Submitted by C. Berry


Q: How many people are buried in that cemetery?
A: All of them.



Q: What can't be used until it's broken?
A: An egg.


Q: What do tigers have that no other animals have?
A: Baby tigers.


Q: What is Black and white and read (red) all over?
A: A newspaper
Submitted by: Ashley


Q: Why is number six afraid ?
A: Because seven eight nine (seven ate nine)
Submitted by MR Engelsman


Q: How do you know when a motorcycle policeman is happy?
A: He has bugs on his teeth!
Submitted by Judy Snoke


Q: What did zero say to eight?
A: Nice belt.
(The 8 looks like a 0 with a belt around its waist.)
Submitted by Charlotte and Francis


Q: What did number 1 say to 7?
A: Nice hair
Submitted by Submitted by Michael


In the alphabet...

Q: Which is the most self-centered letter of the alphabet?
A: "i" (I)

Q: Which letter is always trying to find reasons?
"y" (Why?")
Submitted by: Melina Gasser- Argentina


Q: Which letter is not me?
A: U.
Submitted by: Hamed Mohamed


Q: What letter can do the work in one day that you can do in two days?
A: W (Double u- Double you)

Q: Why don't we need a compass at the North Pole?
A: Because every direction is south.
Submitted by Cüneyt ARAS


Q: Why is the A like a flower?
A: Because the B is after it.
Submitted by Angelika Pichler


Why is the letter "A" like noon?
Because it's in the middle of the day.
Submitted by Motoko Hashimoto


Q: "What letter of the alphabet has got lots of water?"
A: "The C"
Submitted by Susana P. Varona


Q: "What letter of the alphabet is always waiting in order?"
A: "The Q. (queue)
Submitted by José Mª Pérez


Q: What has two heads, four eyes, six legs and a tail?
A: A horse and its rider.


Q: What is as big as a horse but doesn't weigh anything?
A: The horse's shadow.


Q. Why was the hearse horse hoarse?
A. Because of the coffin
Submitted by Ciaran P. McCarthy


Q: Why are man with pierced ears better suited for marriage?
Q: Because they have suffered and bought jewelry.


Q: What begins with T, ends with T and has T in it?
A: A teapot.


Q: Do you know why birds fly to south in the winter?
A: Because it's too far to walk there.
Submitted by Yang


Q: Why do birds fly south in the fall?
A: Because it's too far to walk!
Submitted by Michèle Larouche


Q: Which letters do Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday have in common?
A: None! None of them have "c", "o","m" or "n" in them.
Submitted by Paulo José L. do Amaral


I tried this one with Japanese university students. They understood all the words and enjoyed it.

Q: What are the 3 important rings in life?
A: Engagement ring, Wedding ring, and suffering.


Q: Which room has no doors, no windows.
A: A mushroom.
Submitted by LUZ


Q: What gets wetter as it dries?
A: A towel


Q: A man rode into town on Tuesday. Two days later he rode home on Tuesday. How is this possible?
A: His horse's name is Tuesday.


Q: Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
A: He didn't have anybody to take. (any BODY)
Submitted by Toni Allen (from daughter)


Q: A father and his son were in a car accident. The father died. The son was taken to the hospital. The doctor came in and said: I can't do surgery on him, because he's my son. Who was the doctor?
A: The doctor was his mother.

It's an old riddle that is more difficult in some countries than in others.


Q: Why did the student take a ladder to school?
A: Because he/she was going to high school!

Q: Why did the tomato blush?
A: Beacuse it saw the salad dressing!
Submitted by: Dave Williams


Q: What are the two strongest days of the week?
A: They are Saturday and Sunday. All the others are weak (week) days.
Submitted by both Motoko Hashimoto & Alfredo Bilopolsky


Q: How far can a dog run into the forest?
A: Halfway, after that he is running out of the forest.
Submitted by: Rabi'a


Q: What do you call a bear without an "ear"?
A: BBBBBBB
Submitted by: Drew Bassett


Q: Which is faster, heat or cold?
A: Heat, because you can catch a cold.


A: How many apples can you eat if your stomach is empty?
B: 4 or 5
A: No, that's wrong, because after eating one apple your stomach isn't empty.
Submitted by: Mirali


If you are doing a discussion about space, then students will like this one.

Q: Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?
A: To find Pluto.
Submitted by: Elisa-SN Argentina


Q: What is the differnce between the capital of Russia and a calf's mother?
A: One is Moscow, the other is a cow's Ma.
(It needs to be spoken to understand it.)


Q: What do you call a Spaniard who can't find his car?
A: Carlos
It's pronounced "carless" (meaning without a car)
Submitted by Laurence Whiteside


Q: What's the difference between electricity and lightening?
A: You don't have to pay for lightening.


This riddle may be used when teaching a lesson on occupations.

Q: What's the difference between a TEACHER and a CONDUCTOR ?
A: A teacher TRAINS the MIND and a conductor MINDS the TRAIN.
Submitted by: Tania Mello (Sao Paulo, Brazil)


Q: What part of your body disappears when you stand up?
A: Your lap. (good for phrasal 'stand up', and 'laptop', lap-dog, etc.)
Submitted by: Richard


Q: What do you call a witch at the beach?
A: A sandwich.
Submitted by Tinour


Q: Why did the trafic signal turn red?
A: You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street.
Submitted by: Drew Hinds


Q: What's the difference between a lion with toothache and a wet day?
A: One's roaring with pain the other's pouring with rain
Submitted by: Eileen Dwyer


Q: Why are baseball stadiums so cool?
A: There is a fan in every seat.


My Spanish-speaking students got a kick out of this one.

Q: What do you call a person who speaks 3 languages?
A: (Try to elicit responses..) Tri-Lingual.
Q: What do you call a person who speaks two languages?
A: (Many of them know this one) Bi-Lingual.
Q: What do you call a person who speaks one language?
A: An American!
Submitted by: Sarah


Q: What do you call a fish without an eye?
A: Fsh.
(Hint: No "eye" = No "i")
Submitted by: Kristi Swarbrick, Edmonton, AB, Canada


Q: What has thirteen hearts but no body and no soul?
A: A pack of playing cards.

Q: What do you call a fish that only cares about himself?
A: Selfish.
Submitted by Cüneyt Aras, Turkey


Q: Why couldn't Mozart find his teacher?
A: Because the teacher was Hayden.
(Hayden --> Hidin' --> Hiding)
Submitted by Sheila S. and Judy R.


Q. What's a minimum?
A. A very small mother!
(mini-mom)
Submitted by Thierry A.


Q: Why can't a bicycle stand on its own?
A: Because it's two-tired (too tired)
Submitted by Shir Noy


Q: What do you get if you cross a pig with a karate fighter?
A: Pork chops.


Q: What's got a head and a tail, but no body?
A: A coin.

Q: What's got a wave but no sea?
A: My hair.
Submitted by Nadia, age 7


Q: What has three feet but no legs or arms?
A: A yard.
Submitted by Dobbin Pelagius


Q: Where does a boxer who weighs 135 kilograms sit on a bus?
A: Wherever he wants to.
Submitted by François Falardeau


What makes "oom" and gives milk?
A cow walking backwards.
Submitted by Fernando


Q: What does a man say when he walks into a bar?
A: Ouch!
Submitted by Miguel M. Llop Díaz-Cano


Q: Where does Dracula stay when he goes to New York City?
A: The Vampire State building.

Q: What do cows like to read?
A: The mooooospaper

Q: What is the longest word?
A: Smiles, because there is a mile between the first and last s.
Submitted by Guillermo Flores Grajales - Mexico City ESL teacher.


Re-worded by another teacher.
Q: What's the longest word in the English language?
A: Smiles. (Because there's a mile between the first and the last letter.)


A: What is the word that everybody always says wrong?
B: "Wrong".
Submitted by Qin Honghuai


Q: What five-letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?
A: Short
Submitted by Kevin Schoepp


A: What's the longest word in the dictionary?
B; Rubber-band -- because it streches.
Submitted by Christopher Berry


Q. How many seconds are there in one year?
A. Twelve. January second, February second, March second...
Submitted by Mark A. Cole


Q. What two days of the week start with the letter "T"?
A. Tuesday and Thursday? NO, today and tomorrow!
Submitted by Mark A. Cole


Q: What did the doughnut say to the loaf of bread?
A: If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn't be hanging around this hole.
Submitted by M.Pampush


Q: Why did the pony have a sore throat?
A: Because it was a little horse. (hoarse)


Q: What did the undertaker die of?
A: Coughin' (coffin)


Q: Why can't a nose be twelve inches?
A: Because then it would be a foot.


Q: How do porcupines kiss each other?
A: Very carefully.


Q: What has four wheels and flies?
A: A garbage truck.


Q: What has teeth but can't bite?
A: A Comb.


Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the other side.


Q. Why did the turkey cross the road?
A. Because the chicken was on vacation.
Submitted by Linda Edgerton


Q. Why did the baby cross the road?
A. Because it was stapled to the chicken.


Q: Why did the germ cross the microscope?
A: To get to the other slide!



A: Why did the chewing-gum cross the road?
B: Because it was stuck to the chickens foot.
Submitted by Christopher Berry


Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To show the possum it could be done.
Submitted by Alex McLean


Q: Why do people call their own language their mother tongue?
A: Because their fathers seldom get a chance to use it.

NOTE: For this to be funny, students need to understand that in many cultures women have the image of speaking so much that their husbands seldom have a chance to say anything.


Q: A big moron and a little moron are walking across a bridge when the big moron falls off. Why didn't the little moron fall off?
A: He was a little more on.
Submitted by Kevin Schoepp


Q: Name one eight letter word that has kst in the middle, in the beginning, and at the end.
A: "Inkstand", "in" is at the beginning, "kst" is in the middle, and "and" is at the end.
Submitted by Kevin Schoepp


Q: When does a dialect become a language?
A: When its speakers get an army and a navy.


Q: What is a Honeymoon Salad?
A: Lettuce alone without any dressing.
Submitted by David Henry


Q: Why is it impossible to starve in the desert?
A: Because of all the sandwiches (sand which is) there.
Submitted by Shad Schroeder


Q: Why don't sharks eat clowns?
A: Because they taste funny.
Submitted by maggie


Q: What would the pig say when its tailed was held tight by the farmer who had a sharp knife in his other hand?
A: "That's the end of me!"
Submitted by Jing Wen of San Francisco


Q: Do you know where people send a horse when it is sick?
A: To a horsepital.

Q: What did the doctor say when the invisible man called to make an appointment?
A: Tell him I can't see him today.
Submitted by Genivaldo Rodrigues Sobrinho


Q: Which 'BUS' could cross the ocean?
A: Columbus!
Submitted by Kusuma from Thailand


 

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